29-year-old daughter refuses to lend mom more money after she used $1500 loan toward a new car for her brother

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 14, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

Would you lend your family money if they lied about the way they used it? 

Lending somebody money is a big deal. The general rule of thumb is that you should never lend an amount of money that you would be uncomfortable never receiving back. This is true, even with family. You never know what people's intentions are when it comes to money, and you can't always rely on their word, especially if they've broken your trust before. Most people would be happy to help out a beloved family member in their time of need if they were able to. But there's a big difference between helping somebody and Dire Straits and giving somebody a little extra spending money. If you need that money for a reason, then somebody is going to be more likely to give it to you. If you're lying about the way that you're using it, and using it for frivolous things, then you have to expect that source is going to dry up pretty quickly. Nobody likes being lied to or deceived, especially by their own family. But that's what was happening here, in the story between a mom and her daughter. The daughter thought she was helping out her mom in a time of need, and dipped into her special Emergency savings to do so. She wasn't overflowing with money, but she still made room in her life to help out her parent. Her generosity was taken for granted, though, and she quickly realized that. After somebody lies to you one time, it can be pretty hard to regain their trust again. That's what happened here. Things quickly escalated, and left everybody in a weird situation. Keep reading to find out what happened here and let us know what you think about it in the comments below. 

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  • A woman and her mother have an argument on the couch
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Stock photo unrelated.
    A woman and her mother have an argument on the couch

  • Am I in the wrong for refusing to lend my mom money again after finding out where my last loan actually went?

    I (29F) have lent my mother some money on a couple of occasions over the last couple of years. Not much though, just enough to help her out in case she lacked money for rent or bills. I did not ask too many questions as my mom is my mom.
    via Goosy_cat
  • Three months ago, my mother called me crying and begging for 1500 dollars to fix her car which broke down and would not let her go to work. I could not give her that amount of money as I did not have that much saved up but I took the money from the emergency fund which I built up over the last year. She promised to repay a little every month.
    via Goosy_cat

  • This kind of deceptions can be pretty hard to get over.

    She has returned none of it so far. This past weekend, I was at my brother's place and saw a new car parked in the driveway, which was something I had never seen before. I asked him about it, and he casually informed me that mom had bought it for him out of the blue a few months ago since his previous car had packed up. And just then I remembered the time she had requested a "loan" from me.
    via Goosy_cat
  • I confronted her about it and she got into an emotional state and began accusing me of being petty because I am earning more than her and should understand her problem. She said I shouldn't mind lending such a small sum to family and that we should help one another no matter how little or much we earn.
    via Goosy_cat

  • It can be difficult to know what to do in this sticky situation.

    And now I have let her know that I will not be loaning her money anymore and that if she needs help then she should come clean on the purpose. She is making everyone in the family believe that I am upset with her because of the money she asked for in times of need and have abandoned her. AITAH?
    via Goosy_cat

  • Commenters gave their support to this woman who was clearly going through it.

    43026 NTA. No way was she right, and now she is defending herself so she appears to be. I would not lend her a penny unless I personally paid the bill that she needed. She was way out of line, and owes you the money back.
    via Goosy_cat
  • RoyallyOakie NTA...You can't trust a liar, even if they're family.
    via Goosy_cat

  • Some told her to cut her off cold turkey.

    UnreasonableWish8115 Abandon her. Stop loaning her money at all. She has decided that your money is family money. You are probably not going to be paid back. Accept it as a loss and know that your mom will take from you to give to others until you put a stop to it. Asking for more details just means that she will lie better. It won't end until you end it.
    via Goosy_cat
  • A mother and her adult daughter sit beside each other on the couch, crying
    via Pablo Merchán Montes For Unsplash+

    Image depicted solely for explanatory purposes.


    A mother and her adult daughter sit beside each other on the couch, crying

  • theyarnllama NTA. I don't know what your situation entirely is, but it was something like this that caused me to go no contact with my mother. Too many tearful phone calls, no repayment ever, plenty of money for what she wanted.
    via Goosy_cat

  • Buying someone else a new car certainly isn't a desperate situation.

    AutumnLoving Libra "In time of need" does not mean car payments especially as it wasn't even for her own car. There us nothing wrong with buying a used car, but a new one is a pure luxury. NTA, let your brother know you took that money out of your
    via Goosy_cat
  • emergency funds, really lay ot on thick if you have to. Because I can almost guarantee you if YOU ever have an emergency, your mom willbe "too broke" to help you out. And I would also stop helping her out, bc who knows how much she gave away before.
    via Goosy_cat

  • Some commenters thought she should demand her money back.

    Optimal-Spinach6974 Definitely NTA! It was so wrong of her to lie to you and then buy a car for your brother with your money. Why didn't he buy his own car? You need to provide her with a list of the money she owes you and tell her when you expect it all back.
    via Goosy_cat
  • Don't let her fake tears and family helps family nonsense sway you. Let her know family doesn't lie to family. Be sure to let everyone in the family know exactly what she did to you and don't ever loan her money again.
    via Goosy_cat

  • More support came in in the comments.

    Front_Prune3632 Nta. She hasn't even begun to pay you back! If she wanted to give your brother a gift and didn't have the money, she should've gone to the bank and taken out a loan! You shouldn't have to dip into your emergency fund to fund someone else's NONEMERGENCY! She's de da wrong, feelings be d ed, and she needs to start paying you back, ASAP
    via Goosy_cat
  • snakesabound This could actually turn out worse than you may expect. Kinda sounds like she will start using you as the scapegoat with your brother. I'd keep my distance from her.
    via Goosy_cat

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family drama money problems new car parenting family daughter mom money son
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